Howdy! Here are two recent letters to the n00bfest Elders, with misc complaints.

LETTER #1
From: bob [mailto:xxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxx.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 18, 2007 11:41 PM
To: elders@n00bfest.com
Subject: n00bfest.com Feedback

n00bfest.com

Sender's Name: bob
Sender's Email: xxxxx@xxxxxxxxxxx.com
Message: I wanted to let you know that I have only been playing on noob
server for 4 weeks. I have meet tons of noob clan members and for some
reason Mantis likes to abuse his power. I have only but a few examples cuz I
left after him doing 3 things wrong. One...yeah he muted me. For not a great
reason. I asked a user playing to turn on his push to talk since he was
coughing in the mic to show he was smoking marijuna. He ended up muting
another player for agreeing. Ends up kicking a guy for shooting his team
mates in a tunnel only 3 times....some times it gets a little crowed...He
shoulda acted a little differnt than kicking the guy with out a verbal
warning. I hope my message doesn\\\'t fall on def ears. I enjoy your server
all and all.

LETTER #1 RESPONSE

Dear "bob",

Thank you for making us aware of this situation. We will handle things from here. We have a standard punishment for admin abuse like this, so we will enforce our punishment on Mantis immediately.

When admins are abusive to the players, 5 or 6 of us get together and go to the admin's home. After we get there, we beat the admin with sticks, have sex with his wife, and laugh at his children. I hope you find this punishment acceptable, and it makes your life better.

Mantis will suffer unspeakable mental and physical abuses for what he has done.

Bless you,
CorpseHumper

LETTER #2

-----Original Message-----
From: Abomin4tion [mailto:xxxxxx@xxxxxxx.com]
Sent: Sunday, November 11, 2007 5:28 AM
To: elders@n00bfest.com
Subject: n00bfest.com Feedback

n00bfest.com

Sender's Name: Abomin4tion
Sender's Email: xxxxxx@xxxxxxx.com
Message: I think it is pretty sad that you ban me for retalliating team
shooting in the same spawn area. When a team member shoots you 6 times I
think it is deliberate and yeah but whatever yall allow hacks on your server
with faith and a couple others. I will just report that to steam to make
sure they adjust all accounts that have those hacks yes I run my own server
sets I have 3 servers up and running all the time.  I have plenty of
places to go and I don\\\'t care that I got banned here go ahead keep your
moronic team killers and hackers for your own server oh yeah by the way your
server needs a more recent patch for hlguard.  Thanks and have fun.

LETTER #2 RESPONSE

OH MY GOD PLEASE DON'T REPORT US TO STEAMZ0RSZ!!!!111

I am glad that you have 3 servers and you were able to find time to drag yourself away from your empty-ass loser servers to come and play in n00bfest. Please let us know who hurt your feelings and we will ban them immediately and make you an Admin God.

Quit crying and blow me,
CorpseHumper

I posted these here to let all of you know that we DO take complaints seriously. Each and every complaint will be addressed and resolved to my personal satisfaction.

Wherever children cry out for protection, I will be there to point and laugh at them.

When the weak are floundering in a pool of injustice, I will place my foot of pwnage on their head and push them down.

When the llamas are butthurt and crying for help, I will pretend that their mics are not working.

Where n00bfest admins abuse their powers ever so slightly, I will pretend to punish them.

I am the CorpseHumper. Your mommies love me.

Lol

::::::::::::On my knees bowing before the great Humper of Corpses::::::::::::

#♥ [n00b]fest

OMG WTF MATE Yellow_Flash_Colorz_PDT_04

Oddly enough, my mother does love you.

You must have a serious AFRICAN AMERICAN dick.

Stickied.

I hope the crybabies read this before they send the email.

lmfao

We've def. known that one for sure. You crazy nyukka.

I have two mommies.

can i watch..... Yellow_Flash_Colorz_PDT_02 ..... Yellow_Flash_Colorz_PDT_23

This is funny stuff. Can I adopt you and make you my play toy?

WHOOO!!! COMPLAINT LETTERS WITHOUT MY NAME IN THEM!! See...I CAN change!!
Except when it comes to faggy cry-baby Gambit...but I haven't seen him in a week or so!

all hail the great and all powerful corpse.

will you have my babies

Surprise surprise.... no letters today :-(

Want me to get you some complaint letters?? I can and I will....

do it joe......... do it.

MOST RECENT LETTER

-----Original Message-----
From: your "clan" blows [mailto:tboa_guitarist@Hotmail.com]
Sent: Friday, November 30, 2007 7:59 PM
To: elders@n00bfest.com
Subject: n00bfest.com Feedback

n00bfest.com

Sender's Name: your "clan" blows
Sender's Email: tboa_guitarist@Hotmail.com

Message: well i was playing on your server today and i noticed your admins were ALL douchebags and banned about 5 ppl including myself

your just a bunch of nubs with admin and your stupid "clan" is the reason source sucks now.

your a bunch of F*CKING noobs
-ittybittykitty


THE RESPONSE

Dear lying retard (I'll explain later),

We at n00bfest do our very best to assure customer satisfaction is at its highest possible level at all times. We are very sorry that your customer experience was atypical, to wit: you left in a dissatisfied state.

Please let us know which admins were behaving like "douchebags" so that we may take the harshest possible disciplinary action against them IMMEDIATELY. I apologize for asking for details, but you referenced "ALL" admins in your email, and that is simply not possible. You see... the server is a 32 slot server, and we have nearly 200 admins. There's no way you could have seen "ALL" admins behaving badly.

This brings us to a VERY important point - you are a F*CKING LIAR. Congratulation on being a filthy F*CKING LIAR. I hope that you grow up and have children, so they can be lying little cunts and C*CK just like you. I'm going to kill a chicken and pour it's blood onto a campfire and pray for your entire family to get ass cancer, liar.

I almost took your side on this deal, but when you obviously LIED to me and said you noticed "ALL" of our admins... you proved to me that you cannot be trusted, you filthy lying whore. You are a filthy lying whore just like your mother. Tell her I miss her wrinkly old mouth. Your inability to tell the truth gets you the title of LIAR.

My clan is the reason source sucks? Now you have proven another point - YOU ARE RETARDED. The people of n00bfest just recently got into the CSS game. We were die-hard CZ fans until a few months ago. In those brief few months, we have risen to the top 3% of CSS servers IN THE WORLD. Now one thing I can't understand is: how can a group like n00bfest (with so few people and such a limited exposure to the rest of the Steam community) how can we destroy the entire game for the whole world? You scared me with this one!

I immediately ran to some of the most advanced stats websites to see if CSS was still alive. I looked at the number of players, number of servers, statistical trends and predictive equations. I expected to see the entire CSS world crumbling before my eyes. I was nearly in tears thinking we - n00bfest - had single handedly destroyed the game for the entire world.

You know what I found?

Source is even more popular than ever. Since n00bfest joined the source scene, the number of CSS players has increased dramatically. It would appear that we are actually causing the game to thrive, not fail. Your inability to tell the difference between thriving and failing gets you the title of RETARD.

You got one thing ALMOST right, though. When you called us a "bunch of F*CKING noobs", you were close. We are n00bs, and most of us are old enough to be having sex regularly... something you will obviously never understand.

F*CK you, and F*CK your ugly mom,
CorpseHumper
Owner/Operator - n00bfest

Gee.... I forgot to block out his email address?

Oops

;-)

lol joe is gonna F*CK this kid in his ass hard.......lol Yellow_Flash_Colorz_PDT_23

I can't hold back my tears of joy. That new one was the best yet.